I would say I only really started realising the value of love and life when I fell pregnant with Hannah in October of 2004. She was born on the 21st June 2005 at 36 weeks and was with Paul and I for 4 weeks and 2 days, she was ill and suffered from Congenital CMV, and sadly for us she went to be with Jesus on the 23 July 2005.
This was what I wrote of the bonding experience shared with her as a mother:
The First Hour
My relationship with my precious baby girl, Hannah started the moment I found out I was expecting. It grew into this beautiful bonding experience. Each day I would speak to my angel and tell her how much I loved her. The day she was born I was no stranger to her. I felt like I knew her my whole life and thanked the Lord for this opportunity of blessing me with her. As each day passed the bond grew stronger. It was as if I did not want to let go of her but hold on to her forever. Its such an awesome experience to have her look into your eyes and feel what she is thinking. There is no one else on this earth that matters so much to me than this incredible miracle of God. A love that is unexplainable and untouchable and unconditional. And even though my bonding experience lasted for only 1 month, it will last for eternity in my heart. My love for her was a deep song in my heart. If I never had that bonding experience with her, I would have had nothing. The memory lives on and I experience it each day with her for our hearts are intertwined forever. Nothing can prepare you for that love, but when it happens you are prepared.
First of all I would like to say is that my life has changed forever since then. I have realised the value of life and that it can be taken away from you in an instant. My relationship with God has changed and gotten stronger each passing day, as I learnt to rely on His strenght more and more each day as I grieved the life of my baby girl. Jesus has gotten me through the worst and best days, and I could not have gotten to the place I am now without Him in my life, My Wonderful, Counsellor, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace, Mighty God.
My journey of grief has been a long road of hurting and pain, but thank God I have made it through the storm ready to face what other challenges life has to throw at me. A journey of grief is not an easy road, but with God's strength He makes it easy for you. I stood on the promises of God and the following verses in God's word became my shoulder of hope,
I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me - Phillipians 4:13
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. - Phillipians 4:5-7
Consider it pure joy, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. - James 1:2-4
Gods word is a lamp unto my feet, a strength for me each day, the Comforter of my Soul, until next time.....
The journey continues....
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What a touching testimony of time spent with your baby daughter. I can definately relate with you as I lost my darling 3 year old daughter this year to brain cancer Even though I know she is with the Lord in heaven, I still miss her deeply. We had 1240 days together, it still feels like it wasn't enough....like there was so much more that we could have shared with her.I think for you with 4 weeks with your baby, all you had was intense love and absolutely no regrets whatsoever. That in itself is a blessing. For me, I sometimes feel like we could have done more if we had known and things like that. Anyway, thanks for sharing your story, and forgive my ramblings:)
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